Welcome Solitude

 Chinese character for 'one.'

"First realize your world is only a reflection of yourself and then stop finding fault with the reflection." ~Nisargadatta Mahraj

I have been found innocent and sentenced to the bliss of eternal solitude.

No matter how far I travel, no matter how deeply I fall in love or how violently I fall into conflict, I can never meet anyone outside the seamless continuity of my awareness.

Ignorance is believing that there is another. Ignorance insists that the world is divided and conflicted, when in fact the world is one indivisible whole, at rest in a great simplicity. That great simplicity is my own consciousness.

My problem is not conflict, for there is no conflict. My problem is embracing boundless solitude. I can never transcend the unity of my Self, no matter how multifarious and diverse my experiences may be, for everything I perceive arises in the simple wholeness of my own awareness. I must necessarily experience my Self before I can experience any other.

If I do not know my Self, I have no basis for knowing anyone. If I know my Self, I know that everyone is I.

When I fall asleep at night, I take no one with me, not even the person lying beside me. When I wake in the morning, it is only my Self who awakens: the dream of others vanishes. I was not born as a community. I will not die as a community. I was born alone and I will die my own unique death.

God give me the courage to confront this primordial aloneness. There is great pain in throwing off the bonds of illusion. I have been clinging to my separate "I" ever since birth, when in terror I sought to return to the womb and could not. So I created an abstract womb, a little bubble of thought where I could withdraw from an alien world: this thought was none other than my very "I."

"I" is a device for pretending there is an "other" who can come to the rescue.  But when "I" am ready for the truth, "I" shatter and dissolve into the universe.

The demonstration of this process is Jesus on the cross. In his moment of shattering, Jesus called, "Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?" But the moment of shattering was also the moment of liberation. Jesus rent the temple veil that separated the divine and the human, and thus ended the duality of separateness. He entered the great solitude of the All, becoming in St. Paul's words, panta hen panta: "All in All." Realizing that there was no one else, no one to call to, and no one to come down and save him, Jesus spread his arms and embraced the world, even his enemies, as himself. The gesture that opens its arms from the center of the cross is not a gesture of forgiveness only, but a gesture of unity, a gesture of at-one-ment.

Like Jesus, I am not saved by another. I am saved by being one.

I am you. I can never know anyone outside the seamless transparency of my Self. Nor can you. We have the same fate. We have the same Self. Transforming alone-ness into all-oneness is our task. It was Christ's task and he showed us the way. But he does not do it for us. No one can open your arms on your cross but you.

When the transformation is complete, we can joyfully embrace all creatures, whether lovers or strangers, as the play of our own consciousness. This is the real solution to world conflict. 

Objection
"How can you advocate such a solipsistic vision? There are so many problems in the world! We must become activists to solve the global crisis!"

Reply
There is no global crisis. "Global crisis" is a generalization, an abstract mental concept that we super-impose on a world of particulars, so that we may avoid ever having to face our true predicament, which is boundless solitude.

Certainly challenges arise, but never in general. Deal with a situation before it becomes a problem, Solve problems as local events, not global catastrophes. Act in the one place where action is possible: here and now. When I solve the problem on the tip of my nose, it never becomes a world crisis.

Objection
"Is it possible to get rid of the I? Isn't getting rid the I a greater illusion than the I itself?

Reply
Yes, precisely! The problem is not having an I; the problem is identifying with it.

No practice of concentration or self-denial can eliminate the I. Such practices make the personality divided and deluded, for the effort to concentrate against the I will only make it stronger, more devious, and more subconscious. Then what to do?

Dance with your I. Hug your I with divine love. Accept your I for what it actually is: an organ of your body, like your nose or tongue.

Even a Bodhisattva has an I. But she does not identify with it. She sees it as something she has, not something she is. The I of the enlightened one arises as a useful tool for self-expression when the body needs an advocate in this material world. Your I is your negotiator, your advocate in the relative world. But while the I negotiates, you are Awareness beyond I, uninvolved in the negotiations. Just as a powerful business owner leaves the details of the contract up to his lawyer, so Awareness leaves the negotiations of the world up to the I.

When not needed for business, the I sinks back into the bliss of unity. Don't annihilate the I. See it as a useful but finite container, floating like a transparent cup in the infinite sea of Awareness. You are not the I: you are the ocean in whom the I is floating. (See the essay: 'God, Body, I')

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Aloneness Meditation

What does it feel like when you stop fleeing from aloneness? 

When you embrace aloneness without resistance, who survives? 

Is there anyone separate from this aloneness, anyone who calls it 'my' aloneness, or complains about feeling 'lonely'? 

Does your aloneness have any edges

When you encounter another person in your unbounded aloneness, how does it feel to regard them as part of your self?