All Conspiracy Theories Are True

If you believe only one conspiracy theory, it will distort your world. The key to mental health is to believe them all.

Accept every conspiracy theory that comes along, left or right. Just say, 'Yes, that too!' Then they will cancel each other out and the world will appear as it is, radiant, clear and sweet.

The truth is, your heart conspires with the stars to put a huge smile on your face for no apparent reason. I promise, everything is OK.

Now which worries you more? Black UN helicopters flown by Kenyan Muslim homosexuals coming to take away your guns, or fleets of unmanned surveillance drones using gamma rays to secretly photograph your private parts?

Personally, I think the greatest threat is the fluoride and other rat poisons that pharmaceutical corporations put in our flu shots to lower our IQ and make us vote Republican. Of course, we already know it was alien Greys and not Al Qaeda who attacked us on 9/11: that explains why Obama has such big ears.

The space of your laughter is more vast and mysterious than any conspiracy can contain.

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