6/22/2017

Confessions of God

I was a heavenly being. But that wasn't enough. I wanted more. I wanted everything. I wanted it all right now.

So, because I was a heavenly being, my desire was instantly granted. I imploded into human birth. This is why we gods are here: to taste all possibilities, adamant as grains of sugar, and crush them on our lips, and taste them all at once, in combined opposites, every moment.

This is how we learn to welcome the chaos of one.

God's can't do that. They are too busy sorting out the one from the many, the rational from the random. They're always fussing over order, and cleaning up their desktops.

But here, well, it's seven pandemoniums of singularity: eyes, nostrils, ears, and tongue. Though who am I to say what's happening? I am too stunned, too drunk and amazed. I follow the simplest covenant: keep surrendering until otherness dissolves.

I taste the beauty of pain, the pain of beauty. I fall in love with dying flowers. I weep over deer droppings, knowing how silently they came to devour my garden. I walk barefoot in wet grass before dawn, un-naming the stars.

I am the space beyond the rim of all galaxies, globed in a tear drop. I am crucified at the center of a cross where six directions kiss, pathways for angels to descend into flesh.
I have abandoned the asymptotes of eternity to curve my bewilderment around a moth wing on a lupine petal in an alpine meadow. The gush of snow-melt under the moss makes me thirsty. I drink straight blues, the sky.

When the mountain turns into mist, awareness solidifies into diamond. True wealth is whatever disappears.
I have come to annihilate you with my gaze, and you me. I abandoned the name and form of God to be awakened by a gnat. Embracing midnight, I became fire. I am the spark that destroys the world when past and future strike like flint against stone.
The darkest child of the golden void, I abash the sun, my fallen body molded from melted pinions of Icarus. If in your search for desolation you stumble on my bones, still warm, rub my ashes on your face, friend. Then go naked.

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