America

1. Put it under Donald Trump's pillow?

2. Go back to sleep and un-trigger it?

3. Play Mozart and lie in the bathtub for hours pretending it isn't there on the wall above your futon?

4. Name it. But what if its name is Legion?

5. Google instructions for exterminating it. But what if all you find on line is this meaningless poem?

6. Rouse yourself to action and resist, bravely turning a wine glass upside down on top of it, slipping a stiff sheet of paper ever so gently under its horrible legs, while tremors of cowardly despair run up and down your esophagus?

7. Now you have it trapped in glass, like the specimen of an ancient pestilence. But then what? Let it run out of oxygen, shrivel up and die? You could flush it, yes, but what if it lives and even multiplies under your house, its myriad progeny emerging through your pipes and spigots?

8. Tweet out a picture of it. Let it go viral.

9. Call your neighbor, whom you have never spoken to, the retired Special Forces major in the dark shuttered house across the street. This would be a good time to get acquainted. He will come. He will capture it.

10. But what if he is the one who sent it here? Perhaps he was radicalized by the very enemies from whom he pretended to protect your fatherland. Surely, he breeds them in his basement. This is a warning.

11. Call 911. A fire truck will arrive. Then police officers will come and make everything better. This may work, as long as you are white.

12. Light your meditation candle and gaze into the poison sac that pulsates under its mandibles while repeating this affirmation to activate your hridaya chakra: "I am That. Thou art That. We both dissolve into pure love."

13. Blame the stars.