"Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day: for you, darkness is as light." ~Psalm 139
I feel darkness dissolve into photons of uncreated brilliance. Why could I not see this before? The void granulates into sparkling virtual particles, while light is woven from velvet threads of dark matter, mater, the Goddess. Darkness and light are not contraries, but the chiaroscuro of a single wondrous No-thing in whom opposites converge.
I feel silence dissolve into a carillon of infinitesimal bells. Why could I not hear this before? Silence is the chant of my ancestors, the harmony of angels, the sound of Mary humming praise songs in my body. She has forgotten the words. Yet every neutrino springs from her transcendental voice. So the second century Gnostic Valentinus wrote, "The true Virgin Mother is mystical eternal silence."
When I surrender to the glory of the Unknowable, lover and beloved dissolve into pure love. Why could I not feel this before? Love needs no story, needs not two lovers, not even one. Love only wants to dissolve. So the primordial sage Ashtavakra declared, as his first and last commandment: "Layam vraja: Dissolve now!"
How weightless all becomes when I stop grasping for an explanation, for a correct view, for a path. Embracing all by letting it all go, I fall into grace, because "I" dissolve, and grace wells up like a tear of emptiness...
This instant of surrender has no duration. Therefore it is the doorway to eternity. It happens at the end of my exhalation, just before the next inhalation is given - not taken. A dot glows in my chest, a spaceless Bindhu containing the wild unbounded ocean of Being. This point without dimension is a portal, a black hole at the center of my flowering hridaya chakra, giving birth to suns and whirling out galaxies, even before the Word can say, "Let there be light."
Here I Am. Yet this Am is prior to the beginning. It is perfect un-created joy. It is the unfathomable eternal silence of the Solstice pause between breaths. My mind cannot understand it, because there is nothing to stand on. Yet in this tiny pointless divine heart, my own heart bursts wide open, because there is no "I" who sees, only pure seeing. Seeing what? Seeing the radiant Gnosis of the Christ, whose face is unfathomable night.
Icon: Our Lady of the Gate of Dawn, Vilnius, Lithuania
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