Open Letter to God the Father

Dear God (alias 'Almighty,' 'Lord of Hosts,' 'Heavenly Father'),

OK, I know we're all having gender issues here. And I must admit, my life has been so much better since I started thinking of you as Her. I mean, face it, the Goddess energy rocks! But because its Father's Day, I'm going to try really hard to say, 'Our Father.'

At least for today, though, you got to promise me you won't be jealous, angry, or judgmental. No brooding in the clouds. Come down to earth. And no more Commandments. They don't work. Suggestions are much better.

Please drop the crap about hell because we've grown up and just don't buy it. Also, don't order any more armies to slaughter the Hittites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Palestinians, the North Vietnamese, the Sunnis and Taliban, Apaches and Gay People. And stop sending whirlwinds to the Bible belt: that makes NO sense.

Lose the lightning bolt. There are no sacred weapons. Get over the thing about hierarchy. Try a circle. Stop threatening people: you come off sounding petty and stupid.

And one more thing: Art. Some of us really like art. We like sculptures of the Goddess. We like fertility. We like cave paintings of women with huge hips and wolf mothers and Kali dancing. We don't worship idols. We just like art. So stop telling us what to do with the almighty freedom of the human imagination. We painted You didn't we? Who do You think imagined that beard?

Just be glad You still have some friends. Look, I'm trying to do the right thing here, I'm even using a capital 'Y'. So get off your pedestal and join the human race. If You give me a deal on that, I'll agree, at least for now, to wish You a happy Father's Day.

Please notice, however, I'm not on my knees. I'm just reaching out for a handshake. Maybe even a frikkin hug. But no more kneeling. No more fear and trembling. Just friendship. How bout it, Father?

And one other thing. Even though your followers persecuted and crucified them for it, some of the great ones like Jesus and al-Hallaj demonstrated quite persuasively that You are not 'up' there: you are within. So from now on, whenever I capitalize the 'G' in God, I'm also going to capitalize the 'H' in human. OK?

Now, from the bottom of my heart, I say, 'Dear God, happy Father's Day.'

____________

P.S. I got a response to this letter almost immediately. God said, " OK, Fred. But You must get over it too.'