I Am Too Astonished To Believe

Others define themselves by their beliefs. I define myself by my loves. I am too stupid to believe. I know only a vast and intimate bewilderment. I love Mary Magdalene. She is my breath, and the healing Shakti that flows through it. I love Christ Jesus. He is the very light that glows from each electron in my flesh, the infinitesimal Sun that shines from the center of every atom, yet he illuminates the galaxies. I love my teacher, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. He is the pure wonder of my own awareness when this mind is still, listening, free from thoughts. I love my first Guru, Maharishi. He is the pulse of my heart, and the surrendered silence between heartbeats. I love Sai Krishna. He is the bliss that pervades the universe, holding the entire creation between breathing out and breathing in. Yes, others have beliefs, but I can only adore. At any given moment the chaos of love might astonish me with one of these divinely human faces: Jesus, Mary, Guru, Krishna. Yet I do not cling to this form or that one. For they are facets of one jewel, the diamond Pleroma, resting in its secret setting at the center of my soul, in the Christall beauty of silence.

Mandala by St. Hildegard of Bingen