Lavender

"They were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." ~Hebrews 11:13

Gautama and Jesus were walking down the sidewalk. They recognized each other immediately because they were walking more slowly than other people.

"Excuse me, " asked Jesus, "don't I know you?"

"My name is Gautama."

"Are you Gautama the Buddha?" Jesus asked.

"Yes, that's what they call me. And aren't you Jesus the Christ?"

"I am," Jesus said. "And I have always wanted to ask you, what does the term 'Buddha' really mean?"

"Nothing," said Gautama. "And I've wanted to ask you what 'Christ' means."

"Nothing," said Jesus. Then they both began uproariously giggling. They laughed so hard that the busy crowds stepped far out of the path to give the two strange wanderers plenty of berth.

Sauntering beyond the boundaries of the city, they entered fields of wild lavender, lonely and fragrant, their companions the bees and crickets. All afternoon they chased after swallows and butterflies, just for the fun of it. Some weird wine was involved.

Later, rumors abounded. Farmers and villagers claimed to have seen wild creatures: a rainbow twisting backward in the sky, sprouting wings, then devouring its own tail; a peacock-crowned shaman with radiant blue skin riding through the sky on a trumpeting swan; a warrior woman in golden armor standing on a lion, her bow and arrows studded with diamonds; a wicked little trickster fat-bellied boy with an elephant's head, riding on a mouse; dolphins with Botticelli faces, diving through the cumulonimbus clouds.

In the evening, the two men came to a village. The villagers gathered in little clusters before the tavern, whispering. One said, "Since they shut down the mental hospitals, people like this have nowhere to live."

"Don't let your children near them," said another.

"They are illegal immigrants."

"Obviously, they don't work."

"One is Arab looking, the other is a Mexican."

But a local innkeeper saw how bedraggled and thirsty the two men appeared. He invited Jesus and Gautama into his tavern.

"It's happy hour," he shouted to them, "why don't you come in and have a drink on me!"

They sat at the bar. People shook their heads in disapproval. "What will you have?" the jovial bartender asked Jesus.

Jesus replied, "What will YOU have, friend? I have already drunk plenty of wine. Can I give you some?"

Then the bartender asked Gautama, "What's your pleasure?"

The Buddha answered, "I love being empty. Why don't you satisfy YOUR thirst?"

The innkeeper was confused. He began to suspect that these two were there to rob him, or perhaps they were really crazy after all. So he called the sheriff's office.

The sheriff's deputy booked the strangers for vagrancy, trespassing, disturbing the peace, soliciting drugs, and three minor misdemeanors that he exaggerated into felonies, seven counts in all. They spent the night in jail with bums, prostitutes, drunks, and the mentally ill. In the morning, the sheriff himself, who was too busy to take more prisoners in, took the neb to the edge of the county, let them out of the patrol car and said, "Don't come back."

When he returned to the police station, the other cops were gathered round the sheriff's desk, talking about last night. The guard on duty said, "Everybody was singing. And by morning, they was singing beautiful, like in harmony, a regular choir. But there wasn't no words, just a kind of angel wail. Them two guys taught all the prisoners to some kind of song!"

Another guard said, "There was this fresh bread smell everywhere. I can still smell it, can't you?"

Another added, "There was cups with leftover wine in every cell. Real nice crystal cups! Where in hell did they come from?"

"And in the morning, you found all the cells unlocked?" asked the sheriff. "Is that right?"

"Yes sir," said the guard, sheepishly. "But nobody tried to escape. They was all happy looking, lying around like they was right at home."

"I will need to report this to the county police commissioner," said the sheriff. "Now tell me about those two guys that made all the trouble?"

"They called themselves Josh and Buddy," the booking officer said. "We couldn't get no more information. All them sons of bitches did was giggle. And they didn't have no last names."